Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
