he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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