brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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