you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
