mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
