A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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