I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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