WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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