my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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