watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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