I intend to get homeless drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
