sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
