I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Vodka?
Forever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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