He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
