Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
