On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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