Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
