It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
