roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize