so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
