Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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