You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
