I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You left your phone here
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