he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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