no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
