u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
