i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
