Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
