My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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