Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
