I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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