Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
pray to the hookup gods
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
