What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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