My cat gives me a boner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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