We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
