dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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