just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
