I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
