not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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