he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
