i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
