there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
