apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
PANTIES FOUND
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