i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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