I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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