Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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