I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
