At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
