Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
