Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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