Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
