FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
