There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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