She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
