i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
