Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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