lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
