you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who died my cat blue again?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
