your room smells of hookers.
And success
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
