I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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