Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
