I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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