this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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