hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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