You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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