dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
