Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
