I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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