We're facebook friends in real life
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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