Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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