someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
