My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
