He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
