Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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